*Inactive* new side blog, if you want it, just message me (:
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  • us government: no. you gotta pay it yourself. upfront. your parents have to save up from the moment you're born. good luck, fucker.
What's that Flappy Bird game everyone keeps talking about
Asked by apolloyoostis

zaccharine:

Flappy Bird is the tale of this worthless piece of shit:

You see this unnaturally rotund, wide-eyed, piss-yellow asshole? Notice how he has wings? They might as well not even be there, because this fucker can’t fly worth shit. A paper airplane crafted by a four year-old could fly for a longer distance, I am fucking certain.

So your job is to help poor ol’ Flappy hear fly. “Aw, poor lil’ guy! I’ll help him fly, how hard could this be?”

That’s what I thought.

Oh god, I was an unfortunate, misinformed soul. I was innocent, until I was corrupted.

For some reason, the game takes place in the same fucking universe as Mario, as evidenced by the green pipes. That is, save for the fact that there appears to be the skyline of a modern city in the background, something that certainly does not exist in the realm of our favorite mustachioed plumber as we know it. Who knows, maybe Flappy Bird himself overthrew the Mushroom Kingdom, creating a metropolitan dystopia run by other round, flightless fucks. I certainly would not trust those eyes - or rather, eye. There is a sort of evil lurking in the depths.

A normal bird would be able to avoid these pipes on their own, but Flappy needs your assistance. It’s up to you to repeatedly, yet methodically, tap the screen to raise Flappy back up when he inevitably begins to descend at a speed that requires a weight which we cannot even conceive as being possibly possessed by such a small, feathery shit stain.

There are no breaks. There are no checkpoints. Pipe after pipe, eventually it all begins to blend together. That is, if you make it past the first obstacle, which will probably take you a while since the controls are so fucking horrid. No, Flappy, you little pissant, I didn’t want you to go that high! Wait no, stop! Shit!

Please don’t play this game, I’ve lost family and friends. When I walk down the street, people look at me. They know. And I know, too, when I see someone who’s made the mistake of attempting to guide this avian atrocity. You can see the emptiness in their eyes. You can smell the regret.

Don’t let Flappy drag you into the vortex of despair with him.

Avoid Flappy Bird at all costs, lest you wish for a fate worse than death.

chronic-genderbender:

jaredsadalecki:

breaking news: obama is not real. obama is a fiction of our imaginations. this country is being run by our imaginary friend, barack obama

Breaking News: Mitt Romney campaigned against an imaginary man and still lost the presidency.

chronic-genderbender:

jaredsadalecki:

breaking news: obama is not real. obama is a fiction of our imaginations. this country is being run by our imaginary friend, barack obama

Breaking News: Mitt Romney campaigned against an imaginary man and still lost the presidency.

(Source: ludknope)

fuckyou-likethe-devil:

The hardest man in the restrauny business and he uplifts kids

(Source: gordonramsaygifs)

(Source: michelle-bee)

happyhealthyhippy:

aelx:

ipoog:

daily reminder to click a button so you can give free food to a shelter!!

image

if every one of my followers did this, we could give more than 85 meals to less-fortunate animals. for free.

Guys this is a thing. Go there and then click the link and an animal will get some foods.

(Source: poogie-bear)

califuckenfornia:

No fucking clue

califuckenfornia:

No fucking clue

(Source: youthinkit)

peace-be-dreams:

Should probably remember this

peace-be-dreams:

Should probably remember this

(Source: kushandwizdom)

Hey guys,

I’m deleting this blog soon, so please go to my new one and follow it (: I actually have two, I have a fitblr and a personal blog.

Personal:

runrunrunrightintoyou.tumblr.com

Fitblr:

mybestfriendisatreadmill.tumblr.com

go go go!

I’m pretty upset.

The hardest part about this is that no one understands. No one understands why I’m doing the things that I’m doing, and honestly sometimes I don’t even understand. I’m not asking the world of you, I’m just asking you to let go of your unhappiness and give happiness a fighting chance. I know that’s easier said than done, but I’m here for you and I’m going to help you through it if it will make you happy. All I want is for you to be happy and I know you can get there if you want to.

kkddhh:

fitness-is-sexy-hot:

if you are confident you are beautiful



agree 110%

kkddhh:

fitness-is-sexy-hot:

if you are confident you are beautiful

agree 110%

In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.
 -Michael Jackson